It was about the ♥, it's still about the ♥, and it will always be about the ♥

This has been an awesome missionary week, starting last Friday! Saturday I had an awesome conversation with a friend who recently returned home from his mission over a month now...It was about how in missionary work-the greatest thing we can learn is love, love, love. He talked of his mission in Mexico and the experiences he had with loving the people. He's such a great light to me and helping me remember the things that matter most. The light of our Savior emanates through him and I find myself remembering mission memories as he talks about moments from his.

It made me remember how it almost seems easier to turn off our hearts, build up a fence and lay a brick wall to keep ourselves and what we feel as safe and secure. In reality this is the carnal security we look for to keep out the vulnerability of Christ-like love. For perfect love casteth out all fear, but we must be willing to embrace the risk, and not be lulled away by the adversary and his half truths. There is no greater power in the universe for this is what all other powers, rites, and ordinances are based upon-The Love of God.

Back stepping to Friday in my 5th period seminary class, I had a prized pupil draw a picture of me. Although it was a flattering image it was in the middle of class and he was becoming a distraction to the learning of many others in the class. This young man I've felt impressed to make the class president. This year will be the first he passes and he plans on serving a mission. He is a good young man, with more energy than most, a golden/willing heart, and a love of all man. He's invited his friend who isn't a member of the church to enroll in institute in the same hour he's in. There are many more things which inspire me to appreciate this young man as I do, mostly a few of the other faculty warned me about him. My teaching was evaluated by a brethren from down town. They questioned why this young man was class president; I went into some of his background and began to cry. As I apologized for my tears, they stopped me in my words and stated they were validated out of my genuine love for my students. This is true! I love these students which brings me to my next thought.

I have a three classes I teach: 2 at a high school seminary and a 6th grade class in the afternoons. that gives me a total of for a grand total of 79 investigators in my young teaching pool, that doesn't even count the countless sisters I have in my life to teach, lead, and help them feel Christ's love for them. I never thought I'd have a bigger teaching pool than the 49 on the mission. Where have I been the past few years in my reasoning? This grand idea and recognition of opportunity was just recognized in talking to my friend. Then I starting going deeper in my mind. I'm blessed to work at a private school in the afternoon where my colleagues are again not members, but are amazing and live wonderful lives according the truths they do know and understand. These are all older and much wiser pillars in the community and I look up to them in so many aspects.

Working at a seminary in the morning, my day starts about 4 a.m., am fed physically and personally spiritually in the morning by my personal endeavors, my Lacester, my students, and other cohorts teaching the restored gospel to the youth. Then I move forward and by 10:30 am out feeding others by sharing His light and love. Today my little favorite 6th grader, who claims to be atheist did well on his religion test and even spoke about going back to Jesus Christ's presence escape his lips. Many days I feel maybe as Ammon of old, willing to serve and unable to proclaim all I know until due time. Diligently serving until the time is at hand for deliverance of His word. I've never felt so much physical, spiritual, and emotional distraction-I lay awake most nights tossing and turning milling around ideas that either are distractions or pure intelligence and there seems to be no middle ground. It is all about who I entrust my thoughts, motives, and desires.

Another thing that occupies my thoughts are two other men that weigh heavily on my mind. One will be home from his mission in 3 weeks. He was a best friend before he left and had great expectations upon his return home. I just don't know what to think or feel-it leaves me somewhat paralyzed and I never really thought this time would come. Now that it has-I can't help, but rejoice for I know he will have become one of the best returned missionary there ever will be. It will change the dynamics of my life and I hope I am willing to accept-come what may and love it.

The other man comes back to SLC in December and herein lies other great expectations. Expectations that we live up to our potential-that the Atonement of our Lord is as real as we allow it to become in our lives. We love Him because he first loved us and in the situation I am daily reminded of agency and how this life is a time to prepare to meet God. We must move forward and prepare for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand.

Dreams that we Dare to Dream Really do Come True...

I was listening to a dear friends mellifluous voice the evening before last as she played and sang this song for us over the campfire. The lyrics seized upon my mind and I was dumbstruck at the many things we pursue in this life-the things we dare to sacrifice vulnerability and other comforts for are the dreams we end up with when all is said and done.

I've found the things we set off fall by the wayside and those we focus and embrace with all of our heart, no matter the cost, will eventually pay off in the end. It is where we place our energy, our thoughts, and our time when we need not be placing it anywhere at all, that beckons us over the rainbow to the belief and hopes all of our dreams, our righteous ones anyway, really do come true.

As I visited with one of my cool gal friends this afternoon we were talking about how upon the arrival home after a mission people come up with these illustrious plans, goals, and time tables for their lives. This being one of the biggest oxymorons that could ever exist in the lives of recently returned missionaries. Young adults who just spent countless hours teaching and preaching there is a loving Father in Heaven who knows all of His individual children and has a plan for each of us. Why we try to make our own thereafter is more than ridiculous.

I had an interview this week with the man who will in ten months time submit my name to the education board of the church if I am found of stalwart report to teach the youth in the seminary setting on a permanent basis. He asked me such penetrating questions like why I want to be a seminary teacher, for how long, how many times I'd been proposed to, do I ever want to get married, have children, be willing to move out of state to teach on assignment, etc. I answered them all them without skipping a beat and with the righteous intentions of my heart. He used three words to describe me and I agree fully with his assessment: fun, enthusiastic, and passionate-being filled with love.

I have been struggling the past few weeks keeping up working two jobs, masters classes, my church calling, giving quality time to friends, and merely trying to keep my head above water. It is my sincere hope that the dreams we dare to dream really do come true!