Trust in the Lord with all thine heart...has a new meaning for me today.

I have always loved this scripture-in God's infinite wisdom He's taught me to trust Him, in the plan He's prepared for me, and endlessly placing me at the right place in the right time. Countlessly in my heart righteous desires have been granted to me in His time and definitely in His way. Man's thinking continues in paths contrary to the way of Father in Heaven and his will for our lives.

The semester wrapped up for my most challenging group of students today. I was sick and almost numb in feeling as they left the classroom this morning. I love them, but not as much as I could have, unconditionally, or inasmuch as the Lord warms us with His embrace. I am on the list for full-time teaching next year, which was a goal I set out to achieve. I should be ecstatic and filled with joy! I am and yet the fear of my inadequacy to love them resides deep within the most solemn confines of my soul. I need to love them with my whole heart and not a partial or conditional love which I've based on many aspects of their challenging teenage lives (sleep deprivation, broken homes, AP classes, college application, peer pressure, rampant pornography, drug and alcohol addition.) They are in continual pull and distraction from the principles and doctrines of Godliness which they have been sent to earth, to search out, analyze, and apply through personal achievement.

I'd been home from the mission less than a month, out with a spank'n new greenie on exchanges, and she asks me what's the greatest thing I learned as a missionary. Almost impulsively I answer, "It's all about the love, it's always been about the love, it's still about the love, and it will always be about the love-there is no greater power in the universe!" In retrospect of the last year of my life I've lost sight of this knowledge and gift the good Lord has bestowed upon me! In October it began to cycle back into my life as I rekindled damaged relationships after a friend came home from his mission. A dear friend of mine has struggled in living her life the past few months, but is greatly rebounding as she serves those around her. I see Him in her and I recognize the incredible power of His love in our lives if we merely just let in His light to shine through our actions.

As a missionary, and now as a teacher, I am asked questions where the spirit refrains me from answering anything other than, "Follow your heart, it won't lead you astray!" Yet this is conditional with almost the unsaid clause; if you trust in the Lord with all thine heart, then it won't lead you astray. In the past twenty-four hours I've had a pretty harsh reality check, making my mind mill around in memories of the past year. I had a distinct impression to judge not and to follow my heart in June. Due to my own misperceptions I let some of my most valued relationships go awry through the allowance of pride, arrogance, and doubt, all of which continue to get in the way of my personal happiness.

Whenever I am sick, the Lord takes the time to teach me as I lay in bed trying to rest my body. Over the past few days each afternoon I've come home to take a nap. Today all I could do is lay and reminisce how if I would just TRULY TRUST in the LORD with ALL thine HEART, I wouldn't question, I wouldn't wallow, I would merely move forward to stand still and see the salvation of the Lord. Everyone deserves second semesters in life! I'm ever grateful for His loving Atonement that make this all possible.

The Only Synonym for Covenants is Love Story

The Director of Seminaries and Institutes spoke at a fireside last night. I love this man and his ability to listen to the brethren, teach by the Spirit and follow His promptings no matter where or what audience he is about to teach.

Last evening he spoke of keeping covenants. This has been something that has stood out in my mind maybe about the past 9 months or so...How serious is it that we keep our covenants? What is our accountability level on the covenants we make in this life? What if someone else severely compromises a covenant made that we too have been blessed to partake in?

About two years ago while working at the Family History Library I had a co-worker who was married within the everlasting covenant. She's had children and her marriage ended in divorce due to her husbands chance in sexual preference. This woman is a saint and someday when I grow-up I want to be just like her, she's grateful for ever hardship she's received in this life and they come to her on a weekly if not daily basis. She so kindly pointed out to me as we've talked about marriage and the covenants made there in aren't just merely made between you and your spouse, but with the Lord Jesus Christ. She asked me a profound question, it has brought me much hope in the prospects of marriage even though I tread very leery on the concepts of being with someone forever, she asked when spouses go through a session together, where do they sit in the session? From here on out she let the Spirit teach me and I take great application in what Chad Webb was striving to teach last night.

I worked as a contracted employee last year and when it ended, both parties were very clear that it was over. No second thoughts, tears, hard feelings, or forms of reconciliation. Whereas when we make covenants with the Lord there are always second chances, in fact His mercy extends into 3rds, 4ths, and through seven times seven (Hebrew translation is infinitely many). God didn't design a plan he thought we'd fail in pursuing, on the contrary the best engineers make plans that are fool-proof. What kind of plan do you think our Loving Father in Heaven has made for us? I'm not a parent, but when I am, I want my kids to love home so much they feel comfortable coming home for summer vacations, holidays, sunny afternoons, just to play, talk or share, and most importantly when they feel like there is no where else to go, home will always be a place of refuge from the storms of life.

In teaching seminary we talk a lot about being covenant people, we still to this day may receive the blessings of the Abraham, for we are of the house of Israel. Covenants are a key part of who we were, what we act like now, and the blessings we have in-store and those of a noble birthright. In last conference Elder Russell M. Nelsen told us what the greatest compliment we could be called in this life. I'll let you feel and find it out for yourself:

Be a Covenant Keeper

This is indeed the greatest love story of all time. Everything the Father does for His children is out of Love-the grandest power in the universe! No matter how often we forsake Him and His plan, His Son, and the promptings of The Holy Ghost; they will never forsake and will always forgive us.

Recreational Therapy and the Light of the Lord

So this will be my second week working as a Site Manager for the YMCA's after school program in Taylorsville. I love working with the kids-they are wonderful and I love watching their lives brighten as they feel loved, encouraged, and validated. It is so rewarding to be with them! They are so brilliant and I know the Lord indeed has saved them for these latter-days! They are definitely wiser and more adept than I was in the second grade. Amazing and I love them so much! It's also an awesome opportunity to work with their parents and see the countless family dynamics and interactions of how various cultures interact and respect each other.

In just the past few days I've learned so very much! My colleagues are incredible and the love they too exhibit their passion for the kids we work to improve their quality of life. It's incredible and I love it-I can't remember the last job, not only did the time fly, but I not only knew I was benefiting the lives of those whom I was serving, but could feel it. I leave there recharged, thrilled about life and have a greater desire to do good in the world in which we live.

It is true they have so much energy and zeal for life, but I feel as though this energy is transferred inadvertently to me and I benefit greatly all in the same. Everyone is a team, working together for the common good of mankind and the last time I worked in such a capacity was the summer I came home from the mission. I loved it then and have always healed the fondest memories of that first summer home. Funny as we allow the world to influence the way we think we feel about things, the further we get from what REALLY brings us true happiness!

Seminary was also phenomenal today! I had a realization of something I learned in college course year before last. This generation in which we live is that of technology, television, and video games. I have realized in spending time with younger children, the best way to help my students is by getting them out of their seats and moving forward into their futures, by actively participating in what will help them pull out the principles and ordinances in their lives, thus in the years to come, they will be pulling out the principles as they immerse themselves in the scriptures. Which has brought me to a new way of getting them to do their journals for next semester. Principles and Doctrines-it all comes back to these-in every aspect of our lives.

Rolling waters cannot remain impure

I have found new meaning in the phrase, "Keeping on Your Toes." The way the Lord purifies our hearts and hands is the process by which we progress through righteous acts of our individual agency. Oft times I find myself, in the higher mountains and I can't help myself longing to drink from the mountain streams. Now many say it may not be the wisest thing, but my father taught me if you take from the top where the water is continually moving there is little to now chance of the rolling waters to become stagnant and infected with the numerous hosts of bacteria found in the outdoors.

Much like these top waters our lives are mixed with currents, runoff, and changing temperatures. These trials, challenges, and changes in our lives are the very opportunity the Savior uses to beckon us to come unto Him. When we really fully in our faith in Him no challenge is to great, trial to hard to work through, and and change to drastic to find peace within the solace of His care. How often do we minimize the profound affect the Atonement make take place in our lives as we cast our burdens upon the Lord? Do we believe in His great sacrifice, to stand firm in the faith on a daily basis? When do open our mouths enough to share the good news of His gospel with those around us? When we fully appreciate what it is we have been given we pass it along to those who could benefit from His message-the whole of mankind.

How long can rolling waters remain impure? The next time you think of the tide and how hard it seems at time to stay afloat, remember He is there willing to lift you to safety and in the process purify your heart and hands that you may more readily serve Him who is mighty to save!

The Young Men in my Life

As I drove into work this morning I remember a parallel morning years ago as I drove from the Avenues to the SL Institute to attend a class for returning missionaries. I remember the sun's breaking rays over the mountain side as spiritual inspiration opened upon my mind and it was revealed to me within the hour I would be asked to serve on council at the Salt Lake Institute, not for just a year, but to serve in various capacities and callings in the next four years over firesides for the Returned Missionary Council, Director of Missionary Work, and Sports and Recreation.

Similar to the experience of that morning where I was taught why despite my constant concern as a full-time missionary of why the Lord would continually call me to server in the student areas of Washington State, Gonzaga, Spokane Falls Community College, Eastern Washington, and lastly University of Idaho. In my mind, The Gospel and Good News of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ was for families, little did I see the correlation of me recognizing the truth of it as a freshman at Utah State and how important it would be for me in upcoming years to see how Student and Young Single Adult Wards we're to function and be set up. All of my previous mission experience have been an abundant source of knowledge, obedience, and faith promoting experiences which provided me to apply what I learned as a full time missionary.

Serving on Institute Council has blessed my life immeasurably! I cannot even count the friends I have made, the mentors and teachers I have gratefully received, and the foundation I now recognize I will need for what is before me. It helped me to a grow a love for attending classes, the overlying institution therein, and then graduate with a diploma and a certificate. It was by service through the latter-day student association, I fell in love with student wards, my peers, and gave me a greater capacity and desire to serve within my wards. During this same time I've been called to be a visiting teacher, district leader, and supervisor, a ward missionary and gospel doctrine teacher both multiple times, a stake sports coordinator/representative, a temple prep teacher, a mission prep teacher, a family home evening co-chair, and in three different Relief Society Presidencies. Until yesterday I thought serving in Relief Society would be my supporting and saving grace in teaching my students in the seminary classroom-until one of the students asked if we could have "missionary moments" where we learn what are the kinds of questions investigators have...striking me a bit odd...aren't we all eternal investigators in some sense of the phrase? Shouldn't we be? Willing to strive on a daily basis to ask questions and do all that we can to have them answered to the fullest extent?

Who God calls-He has prepared and we must place our trust in Him, that as much as we may not feel adequate He makes up the difference and we become capable, through our diligence and long-suffering, to be who He has called us to be.

It was about the ♥, it's still about the ♥, and it will always be about the ♥

This has been an awesome missionary week, starting last Friday! Saturday I had an awesome conversation with a friend who recently returned home from his mission over a month now...It was about how in missionary work-the greatest thing we can learn is love, love, love. He talked of his mission in Mexico and the experiences he had with loving the people. He's such a great light to me and helping me remember the things that matter most. The light of our Savior emanates through him and I find myself remembering mission memories as he talks about moments from his.

It made me remember how it almost seems easier to turn off our hearts, build up a fence and lay a brick wall to keep ourselves and what we feel as safe and secure. In reality this is the carnal security we look for to keep out the vulnerability of Christ-like love. For perfect love casteth out all fear, but we must be willing to embrace the risk, and not be lulled away by the adversary and his half truths. There is no greater power in the universe for this is what all other powers, rites, and ordinances are based upon-The Love of God.

Back stepping to Friday in my 5th period seminary class, I had a prized pupil draw a picture of me. Although it was a flattering image it was in the middle of class and he was becoming a distraction to the learning of many others in the class. This young man I've felt impressed to make the class president. This year will be the first he passes and he plans on serving a mission. He is a good young man, with more energy than most, a golden/willing heart, and a love of all man. He's invited his friend who isn't a member of the church to enroll in institute in the same hour he's in. There are many more things which inspire me to appreciate this young man as I do, mostly a few of the other faculty warned me about him. My teaching was evaluated by a brethren from down town. They questioned why this young man was class president; I went into some of his background and began to cry. As I apologized for my tears, they stopped me in my words and stated they were validated out of my genuine love for my students. This is true! I love these students which brings me to my next thought.

I have a three classes I teach: 2 at a high school seminary and a 6th grade class in the afternoons. that gives me a total of for a grand total of 79 investigators in my young teaching pool, that doesn't even count the countless sisters I have in my life to teach, lead, and help them feel Christ's love for them. I never thought I'd have a bigger teaching pool than the 49 on the mission. Where have I been the past few years in my reasoning? This grand idea and recognition of opportunity was just recognized in talking to my friend. Then I starting going deeper in my mind. I'm blessed to work at a private school in the afternoon where my colleagues are again not members, but are amazing and live wonderful lives according the truths they do know and understand. These are all older and much wiser pillars in the community and I look up to them in so many aspects.

Working at a seminary in the morning, my day starts about 4 a.m., am fed physically and personally spiritually in the morning by my personal endeavors, my Lacester, my students, and other cohorts teaching the restored gospel to the youth. Then I move forward and by 10:30 am out feeding others by sharing His light and love. Today my little favorite 6th grader, who claims to be atheist did well on his religion test and even spoke about going back to Jesus Christ's presence escape his lips. Many days I feel maybe as Ammon of old, willing to serve and unable to proclaim all I know until due time. Diligently serving until the time is at hand for deliverance of His word. I've never felt so much physical, spiritual, and emotional distraction-I lay awake most nights tossing and turning milling around ideas that either are distractions or pure intelligence and there seems to be no middle ground. It is all about who I entrust my thoughts, motives, and desires.

Another thing that occupies my thoughts are two other men that weigh heavily on my mind. One will be home from his mission in 3 weeks. He was a best friend before he left and had great expectations upon his return home. I just don't know what to think or feel-it leaves me somewhat paralyzed and I never really thought this time would come. Now that it has-I can't help, but rejoice for I know he will have become one of the best returned missionary there ever will be. It will change the dynamics of my life and I hope I am willing to accept-come what may and love it.

The other man comes back to SLC in December and herein lies other great expectations. Expectations that we live up to our potential-that the Atonement of our Lord is as real as we allow it to become in our lives. We love Him because he first loved us and in the situation I am daily reminded of agency and how this life is a time to prepare to meet God. We must move forward and prepare for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand.

Dreams that we Dare to Dream Really do Come True...

I was listening to a dear friends mellifluous voice the evening before last as she played and sang this song for us over the campfire. The lyrics seized upon my mind and I was dumbstruck at the many things we pursue in this life-the things we dare to sacrifice vulnerability and other comforts for are the dreams we end up with when all is said and done.

I've found the things we set off fall by the wayside and those we focus and embrace with all of our heart, no matter the cost, will eventually pay off in the end. It is where we place our energy, our thoughts, and our time when we need not be placing it anywhere at all, that beckons us over the rainbow to the belief and hopes all of our dreams, our righteous ones anyway, really do come true.

As I visited with one of my cool gal friends this afternoon we were talking about how upon the arrival home after a mission people come up with these illustrious plans, goals, and time tables for their lives. This being one of the biggest oxymorons that could ever exist in the lives of recently returned missionaries. Young adults who just spent countless hours teaching and preaching there is a loving Father in Heaven who knows all of His individual children and has a plan for each of us. Why we try to make our own thereafter is more than ridiculous.

I had an interview this week with the man who will in ten months time submit my name to the education board of the church if I am found of stalwart report to teach the youth in the seminary setting on a permanent basis. He asked me such penetrating questions like why I want to be a seminary teacher, for how long, how many times I'd been proposed to, do I ever want to get married, have children, be willing to move out of state to teach on assignment, etc. I answered them all them without skipping a beat and with the righteous intentions of my heart. He used three words to describe me and I agree fully with his assessment: fun, enthusiastic, and passionate-being filled with love.

I have been struggling the past few weeks keeping up working two jobs, masters classes, my church calling, giving quality time to friends, and merely trying to keep my head above water. It is my sincere hope that the dreams we dare to dream really do come true!