His arm is stretched out still...

My one true love...is my Master, Savior and Redeemer. As long as I can remember I've had a spot in my heart for Him, a desire to listen, learn, and grow in Him.  Through the principles, doctrines, and application of His teachings I have learned to begin this journey in mortality.  He has taught me to be a seeker of truth, a daughter, a sister, an auntie, a princess, and now the path of a future queen.

For many years when seeking for my eternal companion I've been impressed to wait and prepare... After years of waiting and doing my best to endure single life well; I've found my other half. He is named after the righteous King Benjamin, in the Book of Mormon. He holds true to this in wisdom, service, and charity. In August a previous engagement was broken off and I was in a place of humility and desire to do whatever it took to find my best friend forever, whom I'd been previously promised.  Three weeks later I went to a Relief Society and Elders Quorum game party.  He walked me to my car that night and got my number...since that evening my life has changed in ways I know, even now, I don't entirely comprehend.  He is literally my other half...if we were two puzzle pieces he would fit every wit, he completes me in every way, the yin to my yang.

This morning as I rolled into my day I thought of how long I've waited for him to come into my life...all the experiences I have taken part of to allow me the appreciation, deep devotion, and unconditional love I feel for him...for us. We are going to make it through anything and everything!  He's my hero...I love listening to his views, hearing his hopes and delighted by his dreams. This world fades away as I connect with his gaze and see glimpses into the eternities.  All of these emotional extremes help me see His arm...the Lords hand has continually been stretched out still...

All of life's challenges, break-ups, heart-aches, and soul stretching has brought me to this point and ultimately to him, my buddy Benjamin. A few years ago, I had a mentor teach me through a love poem he had written. Once I find my true love: sleep, eating, working, and any time away from my sweetheart would be a burden. He was right...I wake up and want to be with him, I work with children and long to be with our little Bens and Sarahs, I cook for him, I shop for him, I live for me to be in love with him...I always thought love was almost some imaginative fleeting feeling.  No-I've never been more Wrong!  Real and unconditional love is living to serve your partner and all those that mean anything to each of you: your families, your kids, your duties, you become each other's everything and you will do just that...everything for love...the power of this and all Creation...Love is God and God is Love.

May We Shout for Joy as We are Filled with His Love

In the third grade my teacher wanted us to learn about our ethnic backgrounds, where our families were from, how long ago they immigrated, and some interesting stories.  It came right around a time when my dad and I went and spent a few days with my Grandfather Schneider.  It's astounding to me the vivid recall I have of the detail of these stories as I search for the generations who've lived before.  I love family history.  After that summer, I learned at the local family history library how to look through microfilm and microfiche.  Honestly, what nine year old has the patience to sit and scroll through records?  The darling sister pushed me at the library so hard that I took time away from the hobby until 2007 I took employment with the Family History Department for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.  I could feel my kindred dead calling for me, beckoning me to establish a lineage and link us together.  

Working for the department for three years was a life changing experience in so many ways.  I started with shelving books and helping customers.  Next, I worked with communication and team building for employees and missionaries.  Then teaching technology to employees and missionaries and in my last year I trained missionaries with special needs and employees ending as an instructional designer.  I loved all, but the latter and even it has it's perks in developing skills and furthering my innate love in the research of people.  I missed teaching and training.  The interaction with missionaries and young employees brought me to where I am today.  

I taught seminary for two years and in the midst of it all I had forgotten, why I wanted to teach seminary in the first place.  It was to be around my favorite population...those who learn a little bit different that those in the mainstream population.  I have had fantastic friends my whole life who've had needs that may seem deviate from the norm.  We shouldn't be biased or play favoritism, it's not a Christ-like characteristic, yet these are my favorite people to spend time around.  It is their goodness I crave, the kindness is seen in their eyes, and their ability to be like little children ensures they will be the first to inherit the kingdom of Heaven.

As I teach children, especially those of this audience I am filled with two things:  The first, a desire to allow others to choose.  Even if the choices may be viewed as wrong, we all need to choices to progress and become like God the Father.  Why else would we have fought so valiantly to come to earth and pick what we are doing of our own accord.  Agency is one of the fundamental principles of the Gospel of Jesus Christ.  What blows my mind is we picked to come here, knowing we'd be tried, tested, and given diseases, hardships, and even imperfections in our bodies and we "Shouted for Joy" in acceptance to the Great Plan of Happiness our Father has for each and everyone of His children.  Even those who knew they would come and not given a voice, those would be deaf, have palsy, deformities, and even blindness, my speculation is they were the ones who shouted the loudest, being grateful enough to foresee what lay before them, but humble enough to submit to the Father's will.

Which leads me to my second objective; as I research my ancestors I find an increased to desire to spend more time with my earthly family.  Call the ones who are geographically distant, and get together with those who are within a reasonable proximity and even those who aren't. :D Yet when we are filled with this kind of love it not only stops and our traceable bloodlines, but the Family of our Heavenly Parents.  All of our brothers and sisters here on this earth all embarking in the same journey.  I find myself trying to hold back in teaching at the YMCA because I'm borderline to friendly...isn't it a shame we live in a world of such lasciviousness and sin that being too nice can put one in at risk for accusations which would never cross the minds of those who truly represent Him who is Might to Save?  Regardless, I don't mind for the increased ability to love helps me to see things as they really are and as they really will be.  I love my kids, in patting them on the shoulder, letting them hug (for their are many who suffer greatly from a lack of love) and even at times kiss my cheeks, if the resulting consequence is to lose one job and find another then so be it, for I will never refuse to share my love with those He has sent me to, in so doing allowing them to also feel a portion of His love.

It is a full circle, as we take time to research, perform the marvelous work for our dead, we are better suited to be among the living.  Upon all things there are predicated blessings and I know this to be one of eternal worth in my life as in others around me.

Oh Be Wise....is Only the Tip of the Iceberg

A couple of months ago I moved wards and it's been one of the most challenging changes of my life.  I'm unsure if it was merely my situation at the time or the harsh reality of where I am in life and where I'd pictured being.  Now I know I am exactly where I am supposed to be in aligning my will with the Father's so I will remain trekking on the path I know will allow me to grow closer to Him.  In the past few weeks I've contemplated greatly the difference between bring Child-like and Childish.  The doctrine is clear, there is a distinguishable difference.  I was impressed, in October general conference when the prophets and apostles spoke of children, in the application sense of us becoming like them, the pre-cursing condition is one of little children.  I work with students everyday; there is a distinguishable difference between my preschoolers and the attributes they possess and the shenanigans displayed by the older kids.  

As I've contemplated, in thought and in conversation with some of my closest friends, I've only recently concluded the variance of the two and it's significance and application in my own life.  Let me illustrate my thought process by the two following examples:

A few years ago I went out on New Years Eve to two different parties.  The first gatherings crowd was a little bit older in age, about twenty seven and upwards, making me the youngest on there by years. I was bored, unamused, and unquestionably immature.  I wanted to play games, talk to each other, in gist  feel the excitement of being alive! Needless to say, I left feeling let down and determined not to lose myself to what I perceived as an apathetic attitude towards life.  The next party I went on towards we played basketball, talked with each other openly, and set new years resolutions.  These friends were in their early twenties, spontaneous, enthusiastic, and full of what I viewed as life.

Moving into this new ward I have a group of friends who seem to like recreation as much as I do...yet I find them to be less committal with their time and the enthusiasm towards spending time participating in what I have come to value and know as part of my "life-line."  Again, I found myself asking, "Why aren't they into it?" Where's the zeal for life?  How are they not absolutely thrilled out of their skins to be alive?  Then I am the one called crazy because I make bread, do dishes for people, donate things I do for anyone anyway, but I'm the crazy one....something wasn't adding up for me and I understand math more than most...so I was left at a standstill.

Life was amiss as I knew it, most of all I knew God knew it. I was on a mission to figure out how to grow up...it took me falling asleep at a musical at 8 pm in the evening, praying persistently to comprehend what I am supposed to be learning, having my old Bishop text me, and a willingness to see the childishness in previous decisions I've been making then motivation to change, staying up until 4 am, dating advice from 20 year olds, etc, waking up tired because I wasn't ensuring adequate rest.  Then one night as I spent time with my 4 1/2 year old doll of a nephew.  I watched him struggle to stay awake through dinner, a game, and reading.  He was so tired he didn't even want to have a snowball fight....it hit me.  The order of priorities in his world was out of synch.  Life isn't fun if you aren't rested or feel rest.  The salt seems to loose it's savor, being good for not.  It is much the same in being an adult.  There is a wisdom and order to all things.  We have all of eternity to progress and apply what we are learning line upon line, precept upon precept.  I revamped my schedule and it looks much like I would picture a grown-ups to be.  Going to bed early, it wouldn't strike anyone else as spectacular, but it's my life and thus as I turn it over to Him is becomes absolutely exhilarating!

I had a blessing about two months ago telling me as I am obedient to the promptings I receive (a new job, a new ward, new friends, new roommates, etc) I will learn wisdom that I will be able to share with others and continue to apply throughout the rest of my life.  Like many other instances of growth in life, this is the tip of the iceberg and what is going on is much deeper and unseen to the natural eye.  It's a good thing I too know I'm made for deep water, better deeper than shallow.  

My Best Friends Wedding(s)

It's a play on words...well kind of...my two best friends or bosom buddies and I were all getting married in September 29th, October 27th, and November 24th.  We had the greatest time dating, planning, and sopping together...well for about the whole 3 weeks of overlap until I knew mine wasn't supposed to be...  Yet their weddings are still on and I find so much joy in the journey of watching and helping them plan.  It's been the greatest source of joy to have Amanda and Jenny in my life this summer and I've been recharged with the amazement and wonder of youth, they being 20 and 21.  So this could be the reason for such a reference of My Best Friends Wedding, yet there are two more reasons for the implicated title.  

Number One: Crème Brûlée after Jell-O
As much as I love Jell-o, yes I really do. My mom would make us rainbow fingerlings, her amazing death by calorie salad, and my dad's awesome easter eggs; all made of Jell-o.  I've had enough positive experiences to not be callused by my Grandma's vegetable varieties of Jell-o salad, either that or I thought the Jell-o was palatable to not wince when it was served. I learned at a young age to enjoy veggies and yes ladies and gents, they really do make us grow big and strong! ;D  Nonetheless...Crème Brûlée is a desert that I induldge myself in about every quarter.  It's expensive, I've made it and I know what makes this delicious delicacy exactly just that...cream, sugar, and yeah at least there is protein in the eggs...right?  In all honesty once your partake of the Crème Brûlée one may not whole heartedly revel in the simplicity of Jell-O, regardless of what jubilant memories may be associated therein.  Much to the comparison in that of frozen skim soft serve ice cream to that of the trendy gelato that is frequently served in quaint little italian sweet shops.  Once you've had something like that you never fully go back!  Hence my problem fully committing to an eternal companion...I've dated recently returned missionaries with the intent to get married, strike three and out for the count, drawing the conclusion that I need a future companion with all of the morals, integrity, and dedicated standards of a recently returned missionary.  Yet the stability of maturity and personal standards of righteousness, application of real life home from the mission, ability to acknowledge what one needs and wants, open and honest communication, and not having a Cottage in Babylon are irreplaceable items on my "Honey Do List."  It is interesting to finally know exactly what I need to ensure I maintain my personal happiness while also having a willingness to give everything for the intent and happiness of another child and son of God now and in the eternities.  Not to mention offspring as numerous as the Lord will give to us...He's right in front of me and I feel paralyzed by the fear and selfishness of my own inadequacies.  Almost as if stifled by the universal sin, my own pride, thinking another child of God is made better than me.  Oh wretched woman that I am...may my heart be comforted as I place my trust in the God and Rock of my Salvation.  That this righteous man may see me through my own short comings for who I really am and will be.  That we may make the Heavenly Crème Brûlée.

                                  Honey Do List...Yes Ladies, it really is this simple.  Good luck!

                                  1) Love* God with all their heart, might, mind, and strength.

                                  2) Love* the families that they have

                                  3) Love* you

                                  4) Ability to make you laugh 

                                 5) Work things through when it's hard

                                    *Love is a word of action, if you can't see it, it's not happening

To what degree you take the list items is of your own accord, I know my own definition of the Love of God includes things like: covenant keeper, has the Spirit as his companion, pays tithes and offerings, honest, respect of self and all others, temple attender, and overall valiance in The Gospel of Jesus Christ, only to name a handful.  Hopefully you get the picture, if the raw materials are there...you have what you need to build a mansion and fill is to an overflowing neighborhood, and on towards a Kingdom.

Number Two: In the movie, Julia Roberts plays a woman who's long time best friend is getting married and she stops at nothing to break it apart that she may have him for her own.  All of the chaos that's caused by her jealousy and threat of not getting married in her time and in her way supplies all of the drama the movie entails.  Besides the one fantastic comparison of Crème Brûlée the only other parts of the movie I find noteworthy are the musical numbers performed throughout the movie.  The heartache and plot in whole, could have been utterly avoided had Julia merely listened to her heart and been happy for the one she loves and put his desires above her own...I know of a very honorable prince who has been waiting for a virtuous princess to beckon to him from her high place to be saved.  Oh for him to take her home to their castle that they mind find joy there in, is the most utmost desire of my heart.  If it could only be as easy as writing it!

These two quotes have been weighing heavily on my mind since August 25:

"The nearer a person approaches the Lord, a greater power will be manifested by the adversary to prevent the accomplishment of His purposes." and "When we are accomplishing the greatest good, the greatest opposition comes." 

— Joseph Smith Jr.

                                 

Wendy's Flight Home from Neverland

While in my youth my life was filled with experiences that made me a child of serious demeanor.  I was shy in nature, learned at a young age to work hard and talk less.  I was my father's little shadow and learned to have my own ideas and opinions about everything.  Until college I was aloof and very reserved about what I thought of this big wide world that has the capacity to envelop all that allow her.  When my Dad was no longer around to follow I was at loss for direction, guidance, and friendship.  My high school years were those of great trama, struggle, and heartache.  Needless to say while most teens rejoice in being with their friends I became even more of a sober individual merely striving to stay afloat in the cell of my circumstance.

Come to Zion...I was offered a way out and came to this beautiful state; where the Saints had previously traveled an exodus to the west and likewise yielded peace and freedom in this same high place in which I currently reside.  Logan was a place of awakening and reconciliation to the all that was good and my Spirit yearned to find peace with my Maker.  It was here where I came to find Him, my Savior and Elder brother Jesus Christ.  Oddly enough I did so in a cemetery running late one evening with a best friend as she reminded me of the Infinite and Healing Power of the Atonement.  It was here I felt a great influx of His love and began to see life clearly, since I had been a young child.

I had been given inspiration to know my Father in Heaven, His Son, and My Dad, were all very aware of me and I was filled with an overwhelming desire to make covenants or promises to be with them in His Holy House, a temple of God on earth, just as in ancient times.  There are temples on the earth today and they are the means in which we can be with our families again someday...forever with them and all others that are willing to do the work of the Lord and become heirs in the Kingdom of God.  I remember my going to church, the great anxiety that accompanied being there with all of my classmates, dorm-mates, teammates, and friends.  It literally was a time of great excitement as fruits of the Spirit enter into my life and the recognition and consistant feelings of His association became more constant.

As a small child I recall with absolute clarity singing, "I Hope They Call Me on a Mission," and knowing I would serve a mission when the opportunity came.  I was invited to take-out my endowments at 19 years old, feeling entirely inadequate, but having faith God would make up the difference if I did my best in keeping my promises to Him. Despite great familial opposition, I turned in my mission papers 3 months previous to my turning 21.  I would be the first missionary to serve in my family and know as a result, all of my posterity will serve missions, for it was a vital change in my existence, progression, and love for the Lord and everything He's created.  I LOVED the MISSION and it has literally influenced me everyday since.

The best two years or eighteen months...is a tragic understatement of what could be, "The Best of the Rest of Eternity!"  All of the patterns, doctrines, and principles one learns as a missionary has practical application and congruence in progression FOREVER, and therein is a promise any mortal soul can take to the bank, if one's heart, might, mind, and strength is in the work! President Sony, of the Salt Lake City Mission compared service to the Lord of that in a Financial Application. "The Lord has invested in you the whole length of your mission and upon arrival home, He then expects the dividends in return."  I know this is true, much like the story of the talents...we are given much and then comes the requirement and accountability for what He's blessed us with the abilities to perform.

Most missionaries serve in countless family wards, well this opportunity I had plus multiple student wards.  The family wards taught me about the underlying foundation and structural doctrines and of The Gospel.  The rare experience of serving with Young Single Adults taught me the inner workings and unique structure of student wards, religion classes, and institute organizations.  In the years during and since the mission I have been placed in circumstances to serve in every capacity a woman can serve and administer in the church on a ward, seminary, and institute level.  I have been so blessed I could write endless novels about the experiences I've had in seeing the Hand of the Lord in not only my life, but those of all whom I associate.

This summer I was about an inch away from becoming a Mrs. Sarah verses a Miss Sarah.  For clarification purposes, I mean, the temple reservation, the ring, the dress, the reception hall, the wedding luncheon planned, etc...  Man oh man, what a wake up call to find out it wasn't the right thing for eternity, but the right thing for the moment.  My 1st, Mission President Funk promised, "If you live that you may have The Spirit of the Lord with you, He will allows warn you before you could make a wrong choice."  I would do it all over again to get  the closeness that I feel with my family.

This experience has brought my family all so much closer, maybe even my own personal desire to be closer to them as well.  This past summer I've grown closer to my brother as he's gone through a heart wrenching divorce.  I've relied on him for brotherly wisdom as I struggled with the marriage decision and car problems, as he's relied on me for the support and listening and kind ear, sisterly support, and  a warm embrace.  I felt so honored when he asked me to come and live with him, but my home is here in these gorgeous mountains at this moment in time.  He and I shared a bedroom when I was little and we've been best friends ever since.

My elder sister is a detailed, organized perfectionist, and so I asked her to be my maid of honor.  This title means so much to her that it has drawn she and I closer and I have spent more time with her family than in the summer previous.  Her boys I adore in such a way, I can't imagine loving my very own children in any greater degree.  I was given the awesome gift of time to help raise these two young men before my mission and now an additional daughter in the years following.  Her eldest, my little Nay-nay, fills me with unquenchable joy and desire to raise children of my own that they may all be such an heritage to the Lord.  He started seminary this year and we talk or text a few times every week as he rejoices in being in the scriptures and taking what he learns home to teach, testify, and exemplify by being the only Priesthood holder in his home.  He and I have a temple weekend once a month where he comes to stay a day or two and we bring our family names to the temple to stand in as proxy for their baptisms and confirmations.  I wish anyone that belittles the youth in the church could meet those whom I've met.  They love the Lord and He knows exactly who they are working towards becoming.

My lil sis and I have been close our whole lives, even when we may not have wanted to be.  There was never a distance that could separate us.  I wrote her as much as I did my mother from the mission field and she has been the most rewarding evidence of true principles understood changes behavior for both she and myself individually, I've seen yet in my life.  She's my life line and even though we are very different in personality, our hearts are the same in loving God and our family into eternity.  She's so fantastic and I go to her house to feel the closeness of home.  In her there's a workout buddy, my crafty consultant, homeopathic nurse, and the latest and greatest on information in the political realm.

Then my magnificent mother...who next to my Master, has been my sincerest source of succor and support.  Oh my heart aches for those without mothers!  We talk/text everyday and she has consoled, encouraged, and exhorted, in the very distresses in my souls deepest darkest chasms.  There is the saying, "God couldn't be everywhere so He made mothersW"  Well that's how I feel, yet know God really can be everywhere.  She's encourages me on my flight home from Neverland knowing as do I, I've had my last night in the nursery.  Sometime this season I will be waking up, yawning from my slumber, and stretching my arms high into the air ready to embrace the warmth and welcoming invitation to make the covenants with my sweetheart in the House of our God.

  than we've been right when I came home from the mission.  

A heart as big as mine

Yesterday I had a friend come home from his mission.  He and I became friends a couple of years ago as he was my neighbor on The University of Utah campus.  We had many common friends, belonged to the same ward, studied the gospel in the morning, and when all was said and done I enjoyed spending time with him, yet I knew my purpose was to see him get dropped off at the MTC and embark on the mission to which he'd been called. 


I've decided in passing months, I'm impartial and almost indifferent to love...I've been waiting for some bomb-like feeling.  Some huge deliriously happy, stupefying, all encompassing emotion to happen as I surround myself with members of the opposite sex.  


I now believe I'm even more confused with my personal research than I ever have been.  Yesterday I believe I experienced every form of love:


Friend-like love: 


I ate lunch with a friend that when we converse I feel intellectually stimulated, he's very warm, kind and sincere when we spend time together and I know he genuinely cares about me as an individual.  He'd drop anything for me and always checks up on me to see how I am doing!  A true blue friend, yet there are specific attributes he possesses  which hold me back to bonding with him.  


Huge-heart love:


I met my friend's parents and we were off to the airport to pick up the missionary. His family was so excited for his arrival.  It was the best airport experience I've taken part in beside my own.  Aunt's, Nana, cousins, sisters, and both of his parents were there.  Funny, as I stood there waiting and watching I thought how much more adrenaline I was experiencing than jumping out a plane the week before.  He as as bright as a shiny new penny.  I thought how handsome and attractive he looked!  Everyone was hugging him and as he said something to me about coming out to the airport-I shook his hand and he looked at me questioningly.  


We made it back to his house with his parents and we spent a good hour there going through some mission items he'd sent home.  He was so quirky, full of adrenaline and stories, and the Spirit of the Lord.  It felt so good to be with him.  His family told me I should just hug him, but I didn't feel right about it until he was released.  His sister put on a BBQ that we quickly slipped in and out of so that we could rush off to the stake president to have him released.  Earlier in the evening someone had asked who I was and Alex quickly answered I was his BFF.  It's been along time since I've felt like I've been a mans BFF, with the exception of my brother.  I must whole heartedly admit, this title fits well with me and when the Stake President asked who I was, it was a comfortable reply. 


He left as a boy who didn't know God, himself, or what he believed.  In listening to his testimony before being released, he knows all of the aforementioned items, plus in watching him teach his niece how to play the ukulele last night, he's a master teacher filled with an abundance of love and the self motivation and discipline of a man.  A man of God...he's been through the refiners fire and I wonder if I even am worthy to be called his friend, let alone his best friend.  Being with him last night made me want to be better, to go back to every principle, embrace every doctrine, and live all application I've ever known to be true in this life.  Thus too making me one with my master.  I then find myself asking, is not this love?  The love that endures the tests of time and the enchanting promise of the eternities?  


                  Side notes of the experience:   I noted familial love: sisters, mother, father, nana, in-laws, church associated love, etc.


Committed love:


In a committed relationship there are certain responsibilities, commitments, and unsaid rules to be kept.  I've been instructed to grow-up and have taken the leap of faith to enter into a relationship I cannot see the end.  I've exchanged heartfelt experiences and tragedies of my life as has he for a requited companionship.  One with whom I am attracted and feel safe in his embrace, we think about life in a similar fashion and have had some parallel experiences.  Yet I think we may lack the sacrifice and selflessness to make our relationship last.  We are both very strong willed and opinionated individuals who have become comfortable with our lives as nothing more than that-individuals.  This yields the question, love is more than an emotional, physical, intellectual tie...it is when our spirit cries to another spirit reaching out for the innermost thoughts and intents of our hearts to be joined into one union, one purpose, a oneness with our Maker.  


      

Trust in the Lord with all thine heart...has a new meaning for me today.

I have always loved this scripture-in God's infinite wisdom He's taught me to trust Him, in the plan He's prepared for me, and endlessly placing me at the right place in the right time. Countlessly in my heart righteous desires have been granted to me in His time and definitely in His way. Man's thinking continues in paths contrary to the way of Father in Heaven and his will for our lives.

The semester wrapped up for my most challenging group of students today. I was sick and almost numb in feeling as they left the classroom this morning. I love them, but not as much as I could have, unconditionally, or inasmuch as the Lord warms us with His embrace. I am on the list for full-time teaching next year, which was a goal I set out to achieve. I should be ecstatic and filled with joy! I am and yet the fear of my inadequacy to love them resides deep within the most solemn confines of my soul. I need to love them with my whole heart and not a partial or conditional love which I've based on many aspects of their challenging teenage lives (sleep deprivation, broken homes, AP classes, college application, peer pressure, rampant pornography, drug and alcohol addition.) They are in continual pull and distraction from the principles and doctrines of Godliness which they have been sent to earth, to search out, analyze, and apply through personal achievement.

I'd been home from the mission less than a month, out with a spank'n new greenie on exchanges, and she asks me what's the greatest thing I learned as a missionary. Almost impulsively I answer, "It's all about the love, it's always been about the love, it's still about the love, and it will always be about the love-there is no greater power in the universe!" In retrospect of the last year of my life I've lost sight of this knowledge and gift the good Lord has bestowed upon me! In October it began to cycle back into my life as I rekindled damaged relationships after a friend came home from his mission. A dear friend of mine has struggled in living her life the past few months, but is greatly rebounding as she serves those around her. I see Him in her and I recognize the incredible power of His love in our lives if we merely just let in His light to shine through our actions.

As a missionary, and now as a teacher, I am asked questions where the spirit refrains me from answering anything other than, "Follow your heart, it won't lead you astray!" Yet this is conditional with almost the unsaid clause; if you trust in the Lord with all thine heart, then it won't lead you astray. In the past twenty-four hours I've had a pretty harsh reality check, making my mind mill around in memories of the past year. I had a distinct impression to judge not and to follow my heart in June. Due to my own misperceptions I let some of my most valued relationships go awry through the allowance of pride, arrogance, and doubt, all of which continue to get in the way of my personal happiness.

Whenever I am sick, the Lord takes the time to teach me as I lay in bed trying to rest my body. Over the past few days each afternoon I've come home to take a nap. Today all I could do is lay and reminisce how if I would just TRULY TRUST in the LORD with ALL thine HEART, I wouldn't question, I wouldn't wallow, I would merely move forward to stand still and see the salvation of the Lord. Everyone deserves second semesters in life! I'm ever grateful for His loving Atonement that make this all possible.

The Only Synonym for Covenants is Love Story

The Director of Seminaries and Institutes spoke at a fireside last night. I love this man and his ability to listen to the brethren, teach by the Spirit and follow His promptings no matter where or what audience he is about to teach.

Last evening he spoke of keeping covenants. This has been something that has stood out in my mind maybe about the past 9 months or so...How serious is it that we keep our covenants? What is our accountability level on the covenants we make in this life? What if someone else severely compromises a covenant made that we too have been blessed to partake in?

About two years ago while working at the Family History Library I had a co-worker who was married within the everlasting covenant. She's had children and her marriage ended in divorce due to her husbands chance in sexual preference. This woman is a saint and someday when I grow-up I want to be just like her, she's grateful for ever hardship she's received in this life and they come to her on a weekly if not daily basis. She so kindly pointed out to me as we've talked about marriage and the covenants made there in aren't just merely made between you and your spouse, but with the Lord Jesus Christ. She asked me a profound question, it has brought me much hope in the prospects of marriage even though I tread very leery on the concepts of being with someone forever, she asked when spouses go through a session together, where do they sit in the session? From here on out she let the Spirit teach me and I take great application in what Chad Webb was striving to teach last night.

I worked as a contracted employee last year and when it ended, both parties were very clear that it was over. No second thoughts, tears, hard feelings, or forms of reconciliation. Whereas when we make covenants with the Lord there are always second chances, in fact His mercy extends into 3rds, 4ths, and through seven times seven (Hebrew translation is infinitely many). God didn't design a plan he thought we'd fail in pursuing, on the contrary the best engineers make plans that are fool-proof. What kind of plan do you think our Loving Father in Heaven has made for us? I'm not a parent, but when I am, I want my kids to love home so much they feel comfortable coming home for summer vacations, holidays, sunny afternoons, just to play, talk or share, and most importantly when they feel like there is no where else to go, home will always be a place of refuge from the storms of life.

In teaching seminary we talk a lot about being covenant people, we still to this day may receive the blessings of the Abraham, for we are of the house of Israel. Covenants are a key part of who we were, what we act like now, and the blessings we have in-store and those of a noble birthright. In last conference Elder Russell M. Nelsen told us what the greatest compliment we could be called in this life. I'll let you feel and find it out for yourself:

Be a Covenant Keeper

This is indeed the greatest love story of all time. Everything the Father does for His children is out of Love-the grandest power in the universe! No matter how often we forsake Him and His plan, His Son, and the promptings of The Holy Ghost; they will never forsake and will always forgive us.

Recreational Therapy and the Light of the Lord

So this will be my second week working as a Site Manager for the YMCA's after school program in Taylorsville. I love working with the kids-they are wonderful and I love watching their lives brighten as they feel loved, encouraged, and validated. It is so rewarding to be with them! They are so brilliant and I know the Lord indeed has saved them for these latter-days! They are definitely wiser and more adept than I was in the second grade. Amazing and I love them so much! It's also an awesome opportunity to work with their parents and see the countless family dynamics and interactions of how various cultures interact and respect each other.

In just the past few days I've learned so very much! My colleagues are incredible and the love they too exhibit their passion for the kids we work to improve their quality of life. It's incredible and I love it-I can't remember the last job, not only did the time fly, but I not only knew I was benefiting the lives of those whom I was serving, but could feel it. I leave there recharged, thrilled about life and have a greater desire to do good in the world in which we live.

It is true they have so much energy and zeal for life, but I feel as though this energy is transferred inadvertently to me and I benefit greatly all in the same. Everyone is a team, working together for the common good of mankind and the last time I worked in such a capacity was the summer I came home from the mission. I loved it then and have always healed the fondest memories of that first summer home. Funny as we allow the world to influence the way we think we feel about things, the further we get from what REALLY brings us true happiness!

Seminary was also phenomenal today! I had a realization of something I learned in college course year before last. This generation in which we live is that of technology, television, and video games. I have realized in spending time with younger children, the best way to help my students is by getting them out of their seats and moving forward into their futures, by actively participating in what will help them pull out the principles and ordinances in their lives, thus in the years to come, they will be pulling out the principles as they immerse themselves in the scriptures. Which has brought me to a new way of getting them to do their journals for next semester. Principles and Doctrines-it all comes back to these-in every aspect of our lives.

Rolling waters cannot remain impure

I have found new meaning in the phrase, "Keeping on Your Toes." The way the Lord purifies our hearts and hands is the process by which we progress through righteous acts of our individual agency. Oft times I find myself, in the higher mountains and I can't help myself longing to drink from the mountain streams. Now many say it may not be the wisest thing, but my father taught me if you take from the top where the water is continually moving there is little to now chance of the rolling waters to become stagnant and infected with the numerous hosts of bacteria found in the outdoors.

Much like these top waters our lives are mixed with currents, runoff, and changing temperatures. These trials, challenges, and changes in our lives are the very opportunity the Savior uses to beckon us to come unto Him. When we really fully in our faith in Him no challenge is to great, trial to hard to work through, and and change to drastic to find peace within the solace of His care. How often do we minimize the profound affect the Atonement make take place in our lives as we cast our burdens upon the Lord? Do we believe in His great sacrifice, to stand firm in the faith on a daily basis? When do open our mouths enough to share the good news of His gospel with those around us? When we fully appreciate what it is we have been given we pass it along to those who could benefit from His message-the whole of mankind.

How long can rolling waters remain impure? The next time you think of the tide and how hard it seems at time to stay afloat, remember He is there willing to lift you to safety and in the process purify your heart and hands that you may more readily serve Him who is mighty to save!

The Young Men in my Life

As I drove into work this morning I remember a parallel morning years ago as I drove from the Avenues to the SL Institute to attend a class for returning missionaries. I remember the sun's breaking rays over the mountain side as spiritual inspiration opened upon my mind and it was revealed to me within the hour I would be asked to serve on council at the Salt Lake Institute, not for just a year, but to serve in various capacities and callings in the next four years over firesides for the Returned Missionary Council, Director of Missionary Work, and Sports and Recreation.

Similar to the experience of that morning where I was taught why despite my constant concern as a full-time missionary of why the Lord would continually call me to server in the student areas of Washington State, Gonzaga, Spokane Falls Community College, Eastern Washington, and lastly University of Idaho. In my mind, The Gospel and Good News of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ was for families, little did I see the correlation of me recognizing the truth of it as a freshman at Utah State and how important it would be for me in upcoming years to see how Student and Young Single Adult Wards we're to function and be set up. All of my previous mission experience have been an abundant source of knowledge, obedience, and faith promoting experiences which provided me to apply what I learned as a full time missionary.

Serving on Institute Council has blessed my life immeasurably! I cannot even count the friends I have made, the mentors and teachers I have gratefully received, and the foundation I now recognize I will need for what is before me. It helped me to a grow a love for attending classes, the overlying institution therein, and then graduate with a diploma and a certificate. It was by service through the latter-day student association, I fell in love with student wards, my peers, and gave me a greater capacity and desire to serve within my wards. During this same time I've been called to be a visiting teacher, district leader, and supervisor, a ward missionary and gospel doctrine teacher both multiple times, a stake sports coordinator/representative, a temple prep teacher, a mission prep teacher, a family home evening co-chair, and in three different Relief Society Presidencies. Until yesterday I thought serving in Relief Society would be my supporting and saving grace in teaching my students in the seminary classroom-until one of the students asked if we could have "missionary moments" where we learn what are the kinds of questions investigators have...striking me a bit odd...aren't we all eternal investigators in some sense of the phrase? Shouldn't we be? Willing to strive on a daily basis to ask questions and do all that we can to have them answered to the fullest extent?

Who God calls-He has prepared and we must place our trust in Him, that as much as we may not feel adequate He makes up the difference and we become capable, through our diligence and long-suffering, to be who He has called us to be.

It was about the ♥, it's still about the ♥, and it will always be about the ♥

This has been an awesome missionary week, starting last Friday! Saturday I had an awesome conversation with a friend who recently returned home from his mission over a month now...It was about how in missionary work-the greatest thing we can learn is love, love, love. He talked of his mission in Mexico and the experiences he had with loving the people. He's such a great light to me and helping me remember the things that matter most. The light of our Savior emanates through him and I find myself remembering mission memories as he talks about moments from his.

It made me remember how it almost seems easier to turn off our hearts, build up a fence and lay a brick wall to keep ourselves and what we feel as safe and secure. In reality this is the carnal security we look for to keep out the vulnerability of Christ-like love. For perfect love casteth out all fear, but we must be willing to embrace the risk, and not be lulled away by the adversary and his half truths. There is no greater power in the universe for this is what all other powers, rites, and ordinances are based upon-The Love of God.

Back stepping to Friday in my 5th period seminary class, I had a prized pupil draw a picture of me. Although it was a flattering image it was in the middle of class and he was becoming a distraction to the learning of many others in the class. This young man I've felt impressed to make the class president. This year will be the first he passes and he plans on serving a mission. He is a good young man, with more energy than most, a golden/willing heart, and a love of all man. He's invited his friend who isn't a member of the church to enroll in institute in the same hour he's in. There are many more things which inspire me to appreciate this young man as I do, mostly a few of the other faculty warned me about him. My teaching was evaluated by a brethren from down town. They questioned why this young man was class president; I went into some of his background and began to cry. As I apologized for my tears, they stopped me in my words and stated they were validated out of my genuine love for my students. This is true! I love these students which brings me to my next thought.

I have a three classes I teach: 2 at a high school seminary and a 6th grade class in the afternoons. that gives me a total of for a grand total of 79 investigators in my young teaching pool, that doesn't even count the countless sisters I have in my life to teach, lead, and help them feel Christ's love for them. I never thought I'd have a bigger teaching pool than the 49 on the mission. Where have I been the past few years in my reasoning? This grand idea and recognition of opportunity was just recognized in talking to my friend. Then I starting going deeper in my mind. I'm blessed to work at a private school in the afternoon where my colleagues are again not members, but are amazing and live wonderful lives according the truths they do know and understand. These are all older and much wiser pillars in the community and I look up to them in so many aspects.

Working at a seminary in the morning, my day starts about 4 a.m., am fed physically and personally spiritually in the morning by my personal endeavors, my Lacester, my students, and other cohorts teaching the restored gospel to the youth. Then I move forward and by 10:30 am out feeding others by sharing His light and love. Today my little favorite 6th grader, who claims to be atheist did well on his religion test and even spoke about going back to Jesus Christ's presence escape his lips. Many days I feel maybe as Ammon of old, willing to serve and unable to proclaim all I know until due time. Diligently serving until the time is at hand for deliverance of His word. I've never felt so much physical, spiritual, and emotional distraction-I lay awake most nights tossing and turning milling around ideas that either are distractions or pure intelligence and there seems to be no middle ground. It is all about who I entrust my thoughts, motives, and desires.

Another thing that occupies my thoughts are two other men that weigh heavily on my mind. One will be home from his mission in 3 weeks. He was a best friend before he left and had great expectations upon his return home. I just don't know what to think or feel-it leaves me somewhat paralyzed and I never really thought this time would come. Now that it has-I can't help, but rejoice for I know he will have become one of the best returned missionary there ever will be. It will change the dynamics of my life and I hope I am willing to accept-come what may and love it.

The other man comes back to SLC in December and herein lies other great expectations. Expectations that we live up to our potential-that the Atonement of our Lord is as real as we allow it to become in our lives. We love Him because he first loved us and in the situation I am daily reminded of agency and how this life is a time to prepare to meet God. We must move forward and prepare for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand.

Dreams that we Dare to Dream Really do Come True...

I was listening to a dear friends mellifluous voice the evening before last as she played and sang this song for us over the campfire. The lyrics seized upon my mind and I was dumbstruck at the many things we pursue in this life-the things we dare to sacrifice vulnerability and other comforts for are the dreams we end up with when all is said and done.

I've found the things we set off fall by the wayside and those we focus and embrace with all of our heart, no matter the cost, will eventually pay off in the end. It is where we place our energy, our thoughts, and our time when we need not be placing it anywhere at all, that beckons us over the rainbow to the belief and hopes all of our dreams, our righteous ones anyway, really do come true.

As I visited with one of my cool gal friends this afternoon we were talking about how upon the arrival home after a mission people come up with these illustrious plans, goals, and time tables for their lives. This being one of the biggest oxymorons that could ever exist in the lives of recently returned missionaries. Young adults who just spent countless hours teaching and preaching there is a loving Father in Heaven who knows all of His individual children and has a plan for each of us. Why we try to make our own thereafter is more than ridiculous.

I had an interview this week with the man who will in ten months time submit my name to the education board of the church if I am found of stalwart report to teach the youth in the seminary setting on a permanent basis. He asked me such penetrating questions like why I want to be a seminary teacher, for how long, how many times I'd been proposed to, do I ever want to get married, have children, be willing to move out of state to teach on assignment, etc. I answered them all them without skipping a beat and with the righteous intentions of my heart. He used three words to describe me and I agree fully with his assessment: fun, enthusiastic, and passionate-being filled with love.

I have been struggling the past few weeks keeping up working two jobs, masters classes, my church calling, giving quality time to friends, and merely trying to keep my head above water. It is my sincere hope that the dreams we dare to dream really do come true!

The Natural Man is an Enemy to God

As I was working today I had a insightful, delightful experience of edification brought to my by my principal at Bingham Seminary. We were going through the teaching schedule for this upcoming school year, as I was giving input, we stopped on the Plan of Salvation, or Plan of Happiness. He asked me questions I hadn't really reflected on a while and I acknowledge I will be forever grateful for the time he took from his busy schedule to teach me this afternoon.

What he asked was powerful and may best be pondered upon: 1) What is the overarching purpose of the plan-the end result? 2) What are the most important items rarely discussed or briefly brushed over as the plan is taught to others, or explained by others and my question to him 3) Do men really come into the world with a natural disposition to do evil?

The overarching purpose of the plan is to enable us with knowledge and an ability to set our sites on steps in proving ourselves worthy to going back to live with God, living in such a way we become like Him and then ultimately gain everything He already has. The key here is becoming like him. Moroni teaches, "But ^acharity is the pure ^blove of Christ, and it endureth^cforever; and whoso is found possessed of it at the last day, it shall be well with him. Wherefore, my beloved brethren, ^apray unto the Father with all the energy of heart, that ye may be filled with this love, which he hath bestowed upon all who are true ^bfollowers of his Son, Jesus Christ; that ye may become the sons of God; that when he shall appear we shall ^cbe like him, for we shall see him as he is; that we may have this hope; that we may be ^dpurified even as he is pure." We should live together in love in our hearts that through our actions our hearts become pure. It is then we will know and understand Him, since we have transpired into a being of such caliber.

The items in the plan either not discussed of in briefness brushed over are: 1) The Atonement of our Lord and Master, Jesus Christ 2) Agency 3) The Fall 4)Principles and Ordinances and 5) The Creation. Where would we be without these doctrines taking an active part in our lives? The plan couldn't be fulfilled without each of these integrally working together for our individual and collective good. I can't imagine teaching the Great Plan of Happiness minus these pivotal points of doctrine.

After talking about the plan I had a question that has been brewing in my mind since placed there in June...Are we all really born carnal and devilish? There is a two part answer to this question: Yes-our bodies have a great disposition to do evil. King Benjamin taught, "For the ^anatural ^bman is an ^cenemy to God, and has been from the ^dfall of Adam, and will be, forever and ever, unless he ^eyieldsto the enticings of the Holy ^fSpirit, and ^gputteth off the ^hnaturalman and becometh a ⁱsaint through the atonement of Christ the Lord, and becometh as a ^jchild, ^ksubmissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love, willing to submit to all things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon him, even as a child doth submit to his father." This is one of my favorite verses of scripture, for it gives us all of the keys to fulfill our divine birthright as future kings and queens, priests and priestesses and children of a Heavenly King and being we have the privilege to call Father. The mortal body we were given is corrupt and mortal, it will invite and entice us to go with the ways of the world and take us from Christ and all His plan has to offer-even eternal life. The flip side of the coin is we have our spirit that have now united with our physical bodies. Depending on who we were in the pre-existence and how we are choosing to currently in our lives, we are given power, strength, and direction to not be enticed by that which cannot satisfy. It is all a choice in if we place our bodies in control of our spirits or if we place our spirits in governance over our bodies. Who are you enlisting to obey-I know as for me and my house, or temple, we will serve the Lord.

I look forward to the day of His appearing and hope previous to His coming I may purify my heart, be filled with His love, that I may recognize Him inasmuch as I have become like Him.

Let me assert my firm belief that the only thing we have to fear is fear itself! FDR

I wonder how many have researched out the background and source of this quote. I have seen it used by many, but I think it would mean more to us if we researched the context from whence it came. It was from Franklin D. Roosevelt's first inaugural speech into the presidency of this great nation. It came at a time when many in the country began losing hope they would ever see through the time known as the great depression. It was 1932, in 1933 the bottom fell out and and most of the country began to despair.

I had this thought cross my mind this morning as I thought how my father fashioned a road bike to and from work. It was he that insisted on me finding a love in the great sport of biking. I love mountain biking and down hilling, but there is something many of you, if not all of you don't know. The summer between my 5th and 6th grade year I had was in a biking accident and I'll be the first to admit it scarred me something horrific. Every time I straddle a bike, push on the pedal-I feel it. The fear in the pit of my stomach and I force it out with every pedal I push. My brother got me into mountain biking a few years ago and I was able find a love for trails, however in going to Moab two years ago on a biking trip the slick rock freaked me out enough that I left the group and went off by myself-I just didn't want to slow them down.

I've lived with friends who had road bikes, but until this summer haven't been around so many people with such passion for road biking. My first time going was week before last and as scary as it seemed, when all was said and done I found therein happiness, for "It lies in the joy of achievement, in the thrill of creative effort (also FDR)." I didn't have to go by myself, I had another friend who'd never gone and we had other friends who let us borrow their bikes so we could go.

However, more importantly it's what gotten me to the point of purchasing my first vintage Schwinn road bike this morning. She's a blue beauty, in fact this is what I've named her. Beauty comes in life as we embrace the hard things, not only to learn from them, but change in the face of them. So I will work backwards-Alaina thanks for riding your bike the other night, it made me recognize I didn't need a new bike. My weekend will be reserved for climbing and lovely rides with you.

Cameron, Andi, Dan and James-it's your outward enthusiasm about biking that makes me have a desire to rise to the occasion. I may never be able to go on your extravagant rides and trips, especially after I've seen how jacked up you all come back afterwards. I get enough scrapes and scratches from climbing. :o) Thank you for always inviting me, one of these days I will surprise you and say indeed! Dan do it-my bike was a steal of a deal and you only live once.

Brent and Tiegs thanks for being such an example of what a great family activity it is to be on bikes! Then letting me experience multiple kinds of riding. :o) It reminded me of why I began biking in the first place, as a child I was the kid that rode my tricycle for as long as physically possible-I remember having the seat heightened to the max and my knee caps hitting the handle bars because I didn't want to give up the safety of the three wheels. It kept me grounded and for some reason I didn't care all of my friends were on bikes!

Ian thanks for explaining me enough logistics behind road biking it peaked my curiosity to begin asking questions. It is all about asking questions and obtaining knowledge.

Molly I will be taking you up on your teaching offer in the near future, preferably before you move to Texas! It's so horribly humid there-not nice biking weather.

Overall the purchase I made this morning made me reflect when we are surrounded by those who will uplift, teach, and edify we can then have the courage to place ourselves in scary situations realizing if we fall there are others around us to help catch us, brush us off and help us hop back into life!! Thanks for your love and friendship-I look forward to a fall of fun-filled cycling adventures!