It was the best of times, it was the worst of times...

'Tis true I have been reading the Tale of Two Cities-the soul filled classic about the French Revolution. As in countries when political issues are strewn about in a mess and people that reside therein are in turmoil to settle; we too can be in personal unrest within our own countries or even more intimate, within our very souls.

"It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us, we were all going direct to heaven, we were all going direct the other way (part of the first paragraph, A Tale of Two Cities, Dickens)."

How often do we feel like this in our own personal lives? I know when a trial comes to us or an opportunity for growth comes, I initially see how unfair it may seem and then cause I can't stand misery strive to find the joy in the journey I am embarking upon. What lessons am I to learn from this experience? Are there things I could have done to endured in a way more pleasing? How to apply the lessons, moving forward that I may not need to endure a similar experience or obtain the humility that I am open to passing through it again. I see the great wisdom and love for life in the above quotation. Dickens is striving to open our eyes to the sometimes harsh realities of the soul.

Heavenly Father delivers the righteous desires of our hearts with counterparts to allow for balance and humility, that we may obtain the attributes He has and likewise desires for us. I've been reflecting on my summer and how I can easily see things as Dickens-the good amongst the bad and then live every day with a broader perspective and keep an open mind that I love as my Master loves others, regardless of the ultimate outcome.

I was really struggling about a month ago, I'd been given a job I had been working toward for the past two years. It should have been ridiculously thrilled and overjoyed at the opportunity that lie before me to teach high schoolers who they are and give them a glimpse of whom they can choose to become! Instead I allowed myself to be distracted, and in all honesty I was having the best time of my life. I hadn't laughed or smiled that much since I was a missionary. I was allowed the chance to feel like this because I took all form of judgement and through it out the window. I paid no attention to seemingly red flags and what others in this world may have thought or said about my circumstance. Until I found myself speaking to another about it. I allowed the ignorant judgements of this man to stomp out my heart and many acquisitions of the Christ-like characteristics I'd been working toward.

I acted impulsively upon his requests and despite the mantic impressions I'd already noted, I went forward with his direction and began the experiment invited me to perform. Now I've been in countless labs for both biology, chemistry, and psychology. By far this was the biggest failure and most toxic I've ever conducted-all because people and more importantly their hearts were involved. I met back with him and reviewed the flaws in his experiment. He had been given more information at this time from his family, gotten to know my strength in spirit, and stood corrected on the altered his stance on some council given. Now it is seemingly to late. The experiment an absolute flop, people left off worse than before, and irreversible damage done.

In the meantime, I was given the opportunity to make new friends, broaden my horizons even more of the ignorance that surrounds me, receive and accept an offer in a second job at the Choir School of the Madeline, and accept a call to work with activation within our young single adult ward as a 1st councilor in the Relief Society. It's either feast or famine in life. God knows I do best when I'm broken that He may take me by the hand and give me answers to my prayers. We cannot become who we are meant to be while focussing inward. We must look outward and be anxiously engaged in serving that hands that hang down. It is the best of times, it is the worst or times when we set our focus as such!

Faith-The Choice is Yours

You don't lose at life until you quit.

A facebook friend had this as a comment the other morning when I woke up on my news feed. I thought, "true statement," and went on with my day hoping he is doing better. The comment made me think, his attitude was in the right place-90% of life is attitude and 10% is what happens to you in life.

This made me think of many other coined phrases I believe to be true and run along the same line, "It isn't over until it's over," "Life is what you make of it," and "When there's a will there is a way!" I had a few habits in high school I desperately tried kicking, when I would ask my friends for their support and encouragement I remember many of them would tell me, "Quitters never win," or they would just tell me it was hopeless to try and change anything. Now almost ten years later I have altered my life in such a way I am who I've always wanted to be, working towards my dreams, and recognizing nothing will stop me or hold me back except those I give the power to do so.

I thought about how I've been able to keep a positive attitude through my trials and test of my faith and integrity. I haven't always been lil miss sunshine (however, it was a childhood nickname.) My freshman year I remember walking home from Chem Lab with my partner and him stopping me in the street and saying don't you ever have anything positive to say? It blew my mind and I instantly recognized Brock's comment as being reality. I could be such a downer and it was my choice. After that year I moved off campus, attended a different ward, hung out with a more mature crowd, and started preparing to serve a full-time mission. My heart began to change and I started seeing how we can sometimes be a victim of circumstance, but we never need to be a victim of attitude. My perspective went from being dealt a hand to making my hand, being given lemons and making lemonade, or my personal favorite, " Seeing the glass half full.

There is a brand of hippie-wear I fell in love with in the last area of my mission, "Life is Good." I became such a big fan because the little slogans are true and happy symbols of positivity paired with a fun picture. Some of my favorites are, "Not all who wander are lost (with a pair of sandals)," or "Breakfast in Bed (a sleeping bag, a skillet, and campfire). More than anything, I bought into the ideal that no matter what, when all is said and done, Life really is Good!

What are 5 good things in your life? What are 5 things you can do to make someone else's life better? Why is it important to remember Life really is Good?

I took my lil HenHen bowling last week after he worked on summer schoolwork for 2 hours. Poor guy, my heart was hurting for him! He was such a trooper and kept pulling though in his journalling. Regardless, Hen has a hard time letting others win at games, not being upset about winning, and then when things don't completely go his way he wants to "throw in the towel" and be done. Well if I let him go on in such a way, he will have a less productive school year, won't make as many friends, and life will seem a little more dark and gloomy than his Asperger's already presents it to be at times. I won't have that-life is already challenging!

I pre-cursed bowling by telling him I would most likely beat him at bowling. I gave him the advantage/choice of bumpers, a lighter ball, and even first go. During the game we focused on sportsmanship and how even if he didn't knock down any pins we could still give each other high-fives, have a good attitude, and keep moving forward in the game. He did better than I thought he would at losing. He loathes losing and seemed to brush it off quite well, we talked about our actual scores after each frame and in the first three frames he was winning, but I knew once I felt the spin come into my throw, it was over. I was overwhelmingly impressed with how well Hen went with going with the flow (as he calls it). Not only did he embrace his loss, but he was able to find joy in the journey, and said within seconds of leaving the parking lot, "That was a really fun game, thanks for taking me!"

How often do we thank our creator for the incredible ride we call life and His assistance in our ability to keep a proper outlook and eternal perspective? I hope to be more like Henry and an aforementioned other's opinions on the span of life and find the gratitude in remembering taking it one day at a time and making it can be refreshingly invigorating!

I found my Christmas pickle shattered to smithereens this evening and felt quite dismal as I thought about how that was one of my prized tangible possessions from my mission. I don't normally get sad about things, but this had memories attached, my first Christmas in the mission field, Leavenworth's amazingness, and time with Tiff Brown. Then a few hours later instead of thinking on the dismal I thought of taking Fall break and talking my darling companion into going back to the mission for a trip for-it made the pickle busting not seem so bad after all! Plus proves my theory, you can find something positive in anything...that's right anything! It's called the glad game-thanks Polly!

Bridle your passions- a scripture study

o this blog in case you haven't noticed is about thoughts I've had during the day either inspired by my scripture study or just real life situations that turn me to doctrines I've studied. Last night I was swimming with at a buff man's pool and I would like to dedicate this post to him (I've never dedicated a post Wils, just so you're aware how special you are!!). For it was teasing by him that made me come up with the topic for yesterday's doctrine and it's application to life. Thanks for the inspiration and place of peace you provide when you invite us over to swim!! You have no idea how much I love being in water-it's a passion of mine!

I am a very passionate person for those of you who are new friends of mine and maybe not quite gotten to spend enough time with me. My largest passion by far in people-if I can do anything with people, I'm 100% in! I love people-it was a passion I developed as a missionary and it' sone that may even get me into trouble at times. I would much rather spend my time with people that doing anything else; with a close second of anything athletic or outdoors. A few of these passions are: snowboarding, rock climbing, hiking, swimming(Thanks for helping feed the monster Wils!), camping, soccer, sailing, ultimate, softball, volleyball, the list could pretty much go on forever...

This brings me to moments of reflection in my life when I've been driven by passion and pleased the Lord or others whom I love. Alma 38:12 We are blessed in our desires and even our passions that we may build His kingdom and establish Zion-this is where the passion for me fellowman comes from. The prophet Joseph taught, "A man filled with the love of God, is not content with blessing his family alone, but ranges through the whole world, anxious to bless the whole human race." I love God and hence He's filled me with this passion to love His children and want to take an active involvement in each of their lives. James 5:17 We are all subject to passions-it all about what we do with them, if we use them for good like Elias or if we allow them to be detrimental to our progression. What are you doing with your passions? How can you use them to build the kingdom?

Despite popular conversations I don't read my scriptures all day, just for part of it and even then there is a balance or a bridle. I may be a nerd for it, but I love what I love because I have a desire and innate ability/talent to "devour" the scriptures and then assist others in finding the same love for them I have acquired through their study. Where are you in your personal scripture study and what can you do to make them more effective, spiritual, and a blessing to your day? Figure it out and make it a little bit better than yesterday!

And then there was light

This evening as I was sitting back between friends watching the fireworks in the night sky I sat reflecting on what attracts us to light(s). There are always audible comments made about the fluorescence, sparkling, and breath taking glory of fireworks as they are displayed in their grandeur. I sat thinking about the countless fireworks I sat and viewed sitting next to my dad as a girl and into my early teens. It was something we thoroughly enjoyed together. Why did we love them so much? What makes us ooh and ah in the spectacularity of the moment?

I was brought to remember a talk given by Elder Uchtdorf on light in the 2006 Christmas devotional. He taught how we are naturally attracted to light, hence all of the lights at Christmas time and the warm glow they produce, which we are naturally drawn towards. As I sat and thought back to his words I reflected on how the things I love usually have something to do with light. My favorite season is summer-you can feel the glow of the sun on your skin and for me it warms my soul, it makes plants grow, it rotates the earth, there are so many things the sun does with His light.

Then I started thinking how people actually possess light, this light is made manifest through the soul. In ways like our smiles and the sparkle that gleams in our eyes and overall countenance. We are attracted to all kinds of light, yet we must be careful for much of the light the world tries to force on us, is temporary and will not bring the lasting light of Christ. Thinking of the brightest places of instant gratification in this world, those lights will fade out and we will be left with nothing except a void. How easy for me it would be to get sucked in and watch a bright screen of TV as one after another movie is watched, hours spent playing video games, or even too much time spent doing things of no worth on the computer. We must manage our time well that we may in turn fill our souls with lasting light. It is so easy to do, if we are not careful and I see nothing wrong with any of these activities on occasion as long as they are done in moderation and in order. May we find the light and fill ourselves with His-the kind that lasts, that fireworks may burn deep within our souls!

It really is all about the HEART

In recent weeks I've found myself questioning if I do put my heart too much into things and not enough logic or mind in what I think, say, and do. After much reflection and study I've concluded this to be completely and utterly false! Yesterday was the icing on the cake for me as I studied in the morning the words of Nephi in the fourth book, first chapter.

He teaches about the condition of the people and repeatedly about their hearts, "Surely there could not be a happier people among all the people who had been created by the hand of God." Why were these people so happy? "There was no contention in the land." Why was there no contention in the land? "Because of the love of God which did dwell in the hearts of the people."

Within 16 years after these statements were declared Iniquity began to abound exceedingly. Why? "Because of the power of Satan who did get hold upon their hearts." The chapter goes on to relay the message of the people's hearts hardening regardless of the miracles performed by the three Nephites, Christ left to minister among them. What keeps our hearts soft, supple, and full of faith in His redeeming love like the three Nephites and other covenant keeping members of the church? "By the power of the word of God, which was in them." Gatorade used the slogan, "Is it in you?" Now I ask you as I've been asking myself? Is it in you, but I'm not meaning some thirst quenching Gatorade. Is the power of the word of God in you; enough that your heart is changed and that you no longer have a disposition to do evil, but to do good continually(Mosiah 5:2)?

That sums up my weeks of questioning and wondering if it is all about your heart. If we want to be the happiest and most righteous people under the heavens there are 10 references given in the standard works which truly testify it is all about your heart!

Deuteronomy 11:13

Deuteronomy 13:3

Joshua 22:5

1 Samuel 12:20

1 Samuel 12:24

Jeremiah 29:13

Joel 2:12

Mormon 9:27

Doctrine and Covenants 4:2

Doctrine and Covenants 11:19

All about your HEART by Mindy Gledhill

The Ultimate Game

Last night after FHE I was invited by some guys to play some ultimate at Sunnyside. I love ultimate with a passion, much like soccer one runs up and down the field making passed with the "bee" to other teammates with the total allowance of three steps while in possession. My roomie and friend, hadn't played until last night. In teaching her how to play the game I found myself become extremely prideful and competitive. With two busted thumbs it's a little on the rough side to throw and catch (they were throbbing by the time the game was over). My point is...I taught my friend to play and even though her throwing is much less than par her teammates made up the difference, catching her crazy passes and throwing her short and precise tosses. They made her look like a freaking all star and man was my ego killing. I could run circles around her, which you're supposed to do in order to block passes and catches. I found myself striving to aggress and intimidate the very being I was trying to teach and love.

Half-way through the game I could feel the monster of competition building inside me and I was debilitated at the fact I'd taught this chic to play and now she was trying to kick my trash-I could literal feel she and my pride in collision. She's been the learner most times along the way, but last night as I got ready for bed I recognized the roles had been reversed for the evening and I was to learn not to be a prideful jerk and be fine with those I teach excelling and doing better than I can even do at times. After all isn't this the whole purpose in teaching and obtaining various forms of glory? Oh wretched woman that I am..sometimes my heart exclaimeth...why can't I just be better than I am?

Damned if I do and damned if I don't

What does it mean to be damned? I grew up thinking it meant one was going to purgatory or hell. I have come to appreciate the saying more this year than I have in my life. I'm an optimist through and through, yet in recent weeks I've felt totally deserted and more confused than ever before. I have my dream job-teaching seminary, dream location of living (a garden, close walk to the U, friends in the neighborhood, a best friend for a roommate, best ward ever), a sister here in SLC w/ two darling kidos and a doggie, another job working at MCS with a my darling Hen, my health is a billion times better than last summer and I'm enjoying hiking, camping, sports, running, and even getting back into biking this summer! I'm working towards my life's dreams and goals again! On paper life is ridiculously great and yet I am left feeling unsatisfied-like there is something out there I am missing.

I think the last time I felt like this was when Mick came home early from his mission and his Bipolar had taken over how he viewed others and even perceived himself. I had put my whole heart into serving him, his family, and him doing well on his mission. It flopped and I recognized I wanted nothing to do with any of it after a month or two, but the pain I felt was that of the most exquisite heartache. It was the perfect distraction-him serving a mission allowed me to magnify an institute calling, care for my g'pa, learn to not set my heart on the things of this world, and grow in ways I could barely comprehend at the time. Yet, I remember feeling the same way-damned if I do and damned if I don't!

I am left to ponder upon the words of a pseudo father, "Sarah whatever you do you will do it well; I've never seen you do something you haven't put your whole heart into. It is really all about your heart. When your heart is His, He will use you time and time again. People ultimately feel the goodness of Him in you and they wanted to remember His love in their lives. The downfall I've experienced is getting a big head about it and floating away in personal arrogance and pride. I am no better off than the Nephites of old as they thought they knew better than He who created them.

I had a dream this past weekend where what I personally wanted wasn't in alignment with what the Lord wants. This guy I know and I were on missions, he in a three-some and I in a companionship with my companion going home. As she and I waited for her parents to come and pick her up, she slept on the couch and I went to study. He and his companions shared our pad and for some reason I went to hug him and he pushed me away with the arms length line, holding his ground. This was followed up by him stating, "You and I are serving different missions here." I was so bummed I took my books and went to study by myself in the bathroom. Slightly random, yet I don't ever dream, but when I do they are vivid and I remember almost every color hue, persons face, and other details. I woke up having a greater understanding, what I wanted from this young man wasn't what he was supposed to give me at this time.

I'll I'm really seeking is for salvation and exaltation. Knowing the tender mercies of the Lord, I'm going about it the wrong way, looking in the wrong places, or in the wrong time. I'm still unsure which, but am certain of one thing-when the stars aren't aligned or in reality when His will and ours aren't aligned accordingly, with patience and long-suffering, we may be led to feel damned and this is a not-so-nice feeling. It makes me want to bust out in rage and divine discontent and say, "Why Lord, what would you have me do? I know what I was supposed to have done differently. May we move on to part two?" I'm satisfied to know I am in intermission, haven't been forsaken, and yet I've gotten the popcorn and soda and just feel as though I am sitting here unduly impatient waiting for the previews to be over and the movie to start.